How crack fanart was born
by The Infamous Butterfly
Summary: While on a quest to humiliate Itachi, Deidara accidentally ruins Zetsu's prized lilly. The blonde is then forced to re-plant the garden...IN A DRESS! Oneshot/Random


I do not own the characters or anime used in this story. All characters and Naruto are (c) to Kishimotto Masashi. As a side note, this was written in the dark at around 3AM on a very small laptop, so I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors and typos.

Also, this was made with the help of Deidara/Catakatoshi from SecondLife. She is allot younger than I, so please be kind with any criticism.

Each brake in the lines stands for a post from a different person, starting with Dei's post. Yes, this was a roleplay story.

If you don't like mild innuendos and fluff then don't look. If you hate Yaoi, don't comment about how you hate it. Be smart by just staying away, alright?

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Deidara walked up to Zetsu calmly and content which wasn't usual for the blond, but he does it anyways.

The plant known as Zetsu had been busying about a large patch of flowers within the catacombs of the base. Due to the dark, he only grew ones that thrived in darkness with a bio luminous glow about them, looking all for the world like a ethereal 'wonderland' within the dark cavern that was his shared room. Thankfully the snake wasn't there at the time.

Deidara starts looking in Itachi's room hoping for any clues of Itachi's weaknesses; for he has been plotting his trump card for Itachi for a long time which even seemed ten times as long with Tobi annoying the hell out of him asking stupid questions of all sorts. Deidara searches Itachi's dresser as silently and swift as he can and finds a VERY disturbing discovery... Deidara finds a shit load of pictures of Itachi having sex with Sakura and twitches his eyelids in disgust but he finally came up with a plan to kidnap the whore. Deidara sneaked out quietly and just as he was almost relieved that Itachi didn't catch him in the act nor his fish-faced-pal Kisame. When Deidara is almost to his room...Tobi appears from out of nowhere and Deidara exclaims, " What the hell?! How did you?!..."  
and Tobi replies hyperly, " Hey Senpai I learned a new trick from Zetsu!"

Zetsu, meanwhile, was watering his lovely garden, moving from plant to plant as he quenched each little one's thirst with a large watering can that he had been given by Tobi. True, it was blue and shaped like an elephant's head, but it was a far better tool than his last watering can. A pale hand came out and gently pulled a few vines aside as he prepared to water his most precious flowers, a rare glowing lilly named Isitridae Feminarr, but what he saw was not his lilly. With wide eyes he saw what used to be the pond, now utterly destroyed, large shoe marks scattered across the mud that led to one of his medicinal cabinets of poisonous herbs. His eyes watered ever so slightly on both sides, even if the darker would have never admitted it. Frantically, Zetsu searched through the muck, finding what was left of his little lilly. A trembling pale hand held up a few squished petals. He shook, fists clenched with such force that his nails pierced into dual toned palms. With a low growl he withdrew his arms into his flytrap and rushed out of his room, face still as stone as he followed the scent out and through the halls.

Deidara felt sorry for ruining Zetsu's garden but thought it sure was fun scaring the living daylights out of Tobi by chasing him in threat to kill Tobi because Tobi could of gotten Deidara in serious trouble... After Tobi was miles away after being chased by an angery Deidara, Deidara looked at Zetsu's garden and didn't want Zetsu to report it to the leader so he agreed to help replant the garden at Zetsu's whims of expectations; since the lily was rare; Deidara asked Zetsu how he could replace it and Zetsu calmly told Deidara, "It's too rare to get again. HOWEVER, I can punish you for what you did." Zetsu gained an evil grin on his darker half. Deidara gave the "ANYTHING BUT THAT LOOK". Not even knowing..What the punishment was, He sighed and looked up at Zetsu and said, " What is the punishment Zetsu?" Zetsu whispered in Deidara's ear, " You will help me plant my many new incoming shipment of plants IN A GARDEN DRESS and you will have to help me all day long. Tobi will watch you and so will I as you serve us some lemonade." Deidara gave a bewildered look and Tobi reappeared out of nowhere yet again and said, "WOOO YAY Isn't this wonderful Senpai?!" Deidara gives Tobi his **extremely annoyed** look yet again. Zetsu's Lighter half chuckled and smiled in joy. Deidara yelled, " AND WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THE GARDEN DRESS?!HMMM?!" Zetsu nodded at Tobi and he went off to go get one of Konan's dresses and supplies for the long day ahead of Deidara.

Zetsu's dark half kept his devilish smile, the lighter looking at Tobi who returned and placing an ivory hand on the ADHD nin's head, ruffling his hair as the masked man let out a happy squeal, arms being thrown into the air as a series of bubbling giggled rolled out of him. "Tobi found a nice dress for Senpai! Hehee!", the masked one said as he held up a very revealing outfit. It was a light shade of blue, the skirt was extremely short and went with a pair of laced panties. The large semi see-through piece of fabric had an intriquette design cut out along the back and belly, clearly being one of the blue haired nin's more 'private' articles of clothing. Never the less as Zetsu stared at it, his light half noted aloud, "Well it will certainly bring out the blue in your eye Deidara."

Deidara comes out of the Akatsuki restroom dressed in the blue dress Tobi JUST HAD TO PICK OUT and Deidara went into the kitchen to make the Lemonade so greatly demanded from Zetsu and tobi which are both relaxing on recliner chairs. Deidara then hands both Tobi and Zetsu his homemade recipe for lemonade and Zetsu and Tobi smelt the lemonade to assure it wasn't urinated in. Deidara didn't do anything to the Lemonade and Zetsu gives another evil smirk from his darker half and says, " Love the dress Deidara!" Tobi yells, " GO GET THEM SENPAI!" Deidara's eyes twitch and he seems somewhat brain broken when after he starts trying to reach the plant holes he already dug to put Zetsu's new plants in but he just can't seem to reach the floor. He starts sweating from the thought of having to bend down to put the plants down because he is wearing a really slutty dress that Tobi picked out. Tobi and Zetsu are still relaxing and enjoying their lemonade and Deidara tries everything but bending over and then finally comes to a conclusion that there is no other way... Zetsu grins and chuckles. Hidan starts coming back from throwing up and walking slowly towards the two relaxing. Hidan said, " What's up bitches?" and Tobi giggled, "Look Deidara is planting Zetsu's plants weirdly!" Hidan can't help but look in the direction referred to. He saw Deidara bent over and Hidan turned green faster then he could run away. Deidara blushed in embarrassment, yelling at Tobi, " I HATE YOU!!!!!!HMMM!!!" Tobi laughed.

At this the plant had started to chuckle, the lighter half gaining an amused but sympathetic look as he sipped more of the deliciously sour lemonade. "Calm yourself Deidara. You should be thankful we didn't go with the original idea that dark had in mind. Your situation might have been much worse after all." The dark's grin widened perversely as he husked out a low, "Keep complaining and the dress comes off." His razor sharp teeth glistening in the dim lights. Tobi tilted his head, "Ah? Hehehe, Zetsu-san your funny! Tobi thinks that senpai looks pretty in his dress though." The half demon nin's eyes gazed over the bomber's work, happy that someone was at least helping with his garden. Dark, however, became a bit distracted with staring at the panty covered rump that had been pointed in his direction. True, most of the Akatsuki had no desire for each other, but Zetsu was not like most Akatsuki, nor was he human. He favored both genders and to him, the body itself was it's own canvas of art in a way. Humans had so many beautifully vast amounts of detail, yet usually held the filthiest souls. The beauty masks the dirt within. Yes, he hated humans, loathing them almost, but everything had it's own beauty. With that thought aside, the dark half grunted slightly, flytrap widening a bit so that he had some air. The plant's jaws revealed a surprisingly well toned chest, laden with thick muscle. His collarbone was fairly large for a man, but then again he wasn't much human. "OH good idea Zuzu!!", Tobi said loudly as he took his cloak off to make himself more comfortable, sitting back down on his chair and relaxing.

Deidara keeps all of his smart ass remarks to himself not wanting to be totally naked. Deidara is intensly shuddering from his spine. Tobi distracts Zetsu with an ICHA ICHA book. Meanwhile, Deidara tries to escape but Zetsu multi-tasks all the time and uses seperate vines to keep Deidara from running off. Deidara is shocked and sighs. Ok I won't run again... Zetsu's darker half smirks, " Better not or it comes OFF!!Hehehehh...." Tobi blushes and yells out to Deidara, " Ooooh don't run off again senpai I think Zetsu's not kidding hehehe..!!" Deidara is just about finished when the group starts pulling up from a roadtrip on the wagon. They don't notice him yet. He squeals, "Zetsu come on let me go change quick I don't want them to see me!!!It's almost done and I can finish dressed up in my cloak please?!" Deidara starts panicking. Tobi starts beconing the group to come over and Deidara starts panicking even more. Zetsu's light half sighs, " Hurry. I think you have learned you lesson..." Deidara is glad Zetsu's lighter half cut him some slack. Deidara runs off to change and comes back running to fast he slips on some of the left over mud and lemonade is poured all over Hidan when he just got back from his ritual. Hidan screams, "IT BURNS AHHH FUCK DEIDARA!! YOU DIPSHIT!!!" Deidara starts giving a WTF look and Hidan calms down after lemon was done seeping in his wounds. Tobi giggled, " Well at least you smell nicer now Hidan!" everyone starts cracking up. Hidan gets really pissed and starts failing at Tobi who is running really fast and Kakuzu restrains Hidan. Deidara finishes the garden after the incident is over. Zetsu approaches Deidara and smiles and says, " You did a good job thank you." Deidara smiles at his new artwork. Zetsu's darker half mutters, "If you do it again this time there will be no dress." Deidara starts walking and is looking crippled from the mental scaring that happened that day. Kakuzu looks at Sasori and says, "What the hell did you do to that guy?" Sasori gave a stunned bewildered look as Kakuzu walks off to play monopoly with Tobi. Deidara posts Sakura's Nasty pictures with Itachi on the internet and thus, crack pairing fanart was created.

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Hope you enjoyed.


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